my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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