I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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