His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
