You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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