VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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