I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
