She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
