I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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