she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
