the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
