i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
