Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
