I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
