it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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