remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
