Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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