He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
