so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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