I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
