New invention idea: vibrating tampons
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
