I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
