I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
