did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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