I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
