he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
They are going to name an STD after you.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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