I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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