She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
