i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
