you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
