Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My ATM looks so different sober.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
