____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
