it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
