i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
