i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
