It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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