do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
