69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
