What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
