So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
