i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You dont lie about slip and slides
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
