my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
