from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
