you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
