There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I could fuck to npr.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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