So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
