I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
