checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
