I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
