when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
false alarm, still single
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
