I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
