Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
