did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
