after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
