apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
