It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
