my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
