put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
