i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
