shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
