i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
