you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
