dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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